Why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free...

I hate to disappoint my constituency, but this post isn't about cows or sex. It is about milk, so that's bovine, and it is about boobs, so that's sexy. There you go.

I've been toying with the idea of donating my freezer full of breastmilk for a while now, but I just couldn't quite get it right. I tried to just give it all to the NICU when P-Funk was discharged, but they wouldn't accept from a private donor. I went through the application process with the national milk bank, but they want you to use their pump, storage supplies, and then ship it. Besides, they wanted so much damn paperwork and information, I half expected them to ask me for a semen sample. Besides, my milk was still freeloading in my friend Jodi's deep freezer in Virginia Beach until I could figure out a safe way to transport it.

So I joined "Human Milk for Human Babies" on facebook. I had browsed a few posts asking for milk, but they were all too far away. Many were asking for donors who were vegetarian or lactose free, of which I am neither. It started to give me a complex! Who the hell would want my milk? I'm just an ordinary mom of 3 that has to eat when the getting is good. I, by no means gorge myself on junk food all the time, but if I want a cookie, damn it, I'm going to eat one!

I went to Virginia Beach this weekend to hang out with some friends and get my face rocked off by Def Leppard, and was planning on hauling all of that milk back to Maryland with me, praying that it didn't thaw out along the way. When I checked my facebook this morning, I saw a post from a mom in Virginia in need of milk. Turns out, she wasn't too far off my route back, so we messaged back and forth and came up with a place and time to meet up.

Of course, I ended up getting stuck in the worst stop and go traffic I've ever experienced (started at the tunnel and didn't let up until I was well past Richmond), so I felt like a jackass for making the poor girl wait all that time. I finally arrived. I nursed Petra, changed her diaper, and pumped a fresh bottle for my new little milk baby while his mother transfered the milk to her coolers. I'll admit, it was one of the most awesome things I have ever done!

It turned out that this mom had 2 kids in rear facing car seats, was well versed in baby carriers and cloth diapers, and obviously went to great lengths to provide breast milk for her son when she herself could not provide it. She was married to a soldier in the US Army, which I'll let slide (GO NAVY! TeeHee!).

I was sufficiently humbled, but at the same time, reassured. I had always thought that the age old statement of, "I didn't make enough milk," to be just an excuse for lazy bitches that couldn't hack it, but it really does happen, and it's not anybody's fault when it does. I was also pleasantly surprised to realize that there are people out there that are doing things the same way I am, so I must not be completely insane, right?

When did I turn into such a damn hippy?